My friend Mary Bartlett, writer and author of Throw a Great Party, among other works, recently posted an essay about how to host a gathering. I thought it was incredibly appropriate, not only with the holidays rapidly approaching, but because gathering with friends can help us feel loved and cared for in these fraught times.

With holidays approaching, some of us are starting to think about giving a party. Others of us are hoping to go to one (or more). Socializing is a great way to bolster good cheer and optimism. It takes us away—at least temporarily —from our laptops and screens and connects us with community. So here are some suggestions and tips that might help with your decisions. It's party time!

What type of party?

Cocktail? Potluck? Dinner party? BBQ? Shower? Tea?

• Cocktail: the cocktail dînatoire* is very popular and pretty easy. Basically drinks and a self-serve buffet (mainly room temperature foods).
• Potluck: economical and pleasant for people who like to join in.
• BBQ or an outdoor party: casual, stand up, weather permitting.
• Shower: baby or bridal; usually has a limited number of guests.
• Tea: pleasant for some and won’t last too long.

Guests

Who should I invite? Depends on the type of party.

• Number of guests? For a cocktail party, the guest list can be fairly large—say 30 people (or less). A dinner party in your dining room? Six or eight (depending on your space) is pretty doable. An outdoor party is a good way to include children—they can generally amuse themselves, run around, and sort of stay out of the way!
• Who to invite? Neighbors, friends, relatives, workmates. And the guests don’t all need to know one another—it makes for more interesting encounters.
• Invite people you know and like even if they are not party-givers. That doesn’t matter—some of the most interesting guests love to go to parties but don’t like to give them!

Food

I do not ask guests if they have ‘allergies’—after all, they know what they can and cannot eat. Try to have an assortment of foods so that there will be something for everyone.

The Bar

For a cocktail party, have beer, wine, and some soft drink (such as sparkling water) available for self service. Set up this bar away from the food and have a bowl of nuts or potato chips available for nibbling. People tend to linger at the bar, and if you have the bar and the dinner together, the line gets long.

If you do make a cocktail, folks will love that but do this for a small group—you don’t want to be mixing cocktails for too long.

Dress

What you wear is, of course, dependent on where you live and the customs there, but generally, if you are the host don’t overdress. It might make your casual guests uncomfortable.

Likewise, if you are a guest and want to gussy up, feel free—it might give your host some pleasure.

Space

When having a party with a fair number of guests, don’t worry about the size of your space. You can tell when a party really gets off the ground when everyone stands up! You don’t need a chair for everyone (unless it’s a tea party for your grandma).

A more recent phenomenon is mask-wearing in crowds: Some of your guests may wear masks and, as with allergies, they will know why they need them. No need to question this.

Invitations

Email or telephone is typical and generally works well. Unless you are having a more formal event (a bridal shower, for example), a written invitation isn’t really necessary.

If you are having a group of friends, you might throw out a couple of dates and decide on the one that fits best. This is practical since so many have various working hours.

Sending a reminder a few days in advance is a good idea. Some people are slow to answer or they may not have marked their calendars.

Preparation

Some suggestions from personal experience:

• Decide on your menu and write a shopping list.
• Do your shopping close to the party date—you don’t need to load up your fridge a week in advance.
• Very experienced and daring cooks might decide to make a dish they have never cooked. But for most of us? Don’t experiment. Make something that you how to do and most important, know how long it takes.
• Do any prep work and baking (if you are making a dessert) a day in advance. Finish up on the day of the party.
• BUT! An hour before the party, stop with preparations. Relax, take a shower, read the paper. What makes guests really uncomfortable is to have the host , sweaty in a grimy apron, running around madly cooking, setting the table, grabbing glasses and so on.

Successful Parties

• Parties that feel relaxing and welcoming.
• The food is plentiful and appealing but not overloaded.
• Dinner parties for a small number take the most preparation (the courses, table setting, etc.) but are the most intimate and very appreciated.
• The cocktail dinatoire—mentioned earlier—is a great way to entertain. Self-serve drinks and a buffet of food give guests plenty of choice and a light meal or a full one depending on what one eats!

* A French-born cocktail-and-dinner party hybrid

In previous posts I've written about my love of cookbooks and my admiration-verging-on-adoration for the inimitable Julia Child. When my friend Mary Bartlett—chef, author, bon vivant and part-time resident of Portland and Paris where she co-hosted the legendary Sunday Suppers held at Jim Haynes atelier in the City of Light—posted the following essay on her Facebook page, I immediately asked if I could repost it here. Mary generously acceded.

"Beautiful!"

"Delicious!"

"Marvelous."

"Go very lightly on the brown sugar."

"My favorite!"

(Scribblings in my cookbook.)

Boston. 1969. An aunt gives me Mastering the Art of French Cooking by Julia Child, Simone Beck and Louisette Bertholle. I had just returned from a year in France as a college student and felt passionate about French food. This book, a best-ever gift, battle-worn, stained, and shredded, remains precious to me over half a century later.

First published by Knopf in 1961, Mastering the Art of French Cooking introduced French cuisine to Americans. In the foreword, Julia (and she was the principal author) says this:

"This is a book for the servantless American cook who can be unconcerned on occasion with budgets, waistlines, time schedules, children's meals, the parent-chauffeur-den mother syndrome, or anything else which might interfere with the enjoyment of producing something wonderful to eat."

For many Americans, French cooking was perceived to be overly rich, heavy, too fancy and full of weird things (like a lot of liver). Julia's book explained that a typical French menu was composed of several courses. People didn't have three helpings of mashed potatoes or a two-pound steak. They ate smaller quantities with plenty of variety.

Over time, as cooking shows proliferated and a quick internet search delivered any recipe, cookbooks in general have become passé. While Mastering the Art of French Cooking  has sold over 1.5 million copies, it's hard to imagine most people taking the time to read and study it now. But Julia Child herself continues to play a large part—through television shows and series—in American popular culture.

The meals prepared by the French family I lived with in 1968 were typical: very small breakfasts (bread and coffee), lunch with several courses including cheese and dessert, and a light dinner (often soup, bread and salad). Children had gouter or a snack, often  an éclair or a pain au chocolat after school, but otherwise there was no snacking. The main meal varied between lunch and dinner depending on work and school schedules but a full Sunday lunch was customary and often included grandparents.

One funny memory: In my French family's house, there was always a large saucepan simmering on the back of the stove which contained various scraps and bones. When I asked, I was told "C'est la soupe du chien." It was the dog's soup and that is what the dog was fed. Nothing was wasted.

Reading Mastering the Art requires patience and plenty of time. There are no shortcuts and the recipes are followed by copious recommendations for accompaniments. As an example, the chapter on leg of lamb is fifteen pages long and has seven suggestions for traditional vegetable garnitures: Bruxelloise, Châtelaine, Clamart, Florian, Judic, Provençale and Viroflay. Artichoke hearts, Brussels sprouts, braised lettuce, stuffed mushrooms,  or whole baked tomatoes were just some of these and each garniture referenced specific recipes and their page numbers.

I made the roast leg of lamb on March 28th, 1969, according to my note in the margin along with the following comment: "Cook a bit longer than it says—unless it is really room temp when put in oven."

My enthusiasm for this cookbook and my dedication to learning the techniques hit a big snag, however. I was unprepared for the omelette. 

This is the cheery introduction to the eleven pages of treatise and recipes in the omelette chapter:

"A good French omelette is a smooth, gently swelling golden oval that is tender and creamy inside. And as it takes less than half a minute to make, it is ideal for a quick meal."

Less than half a minute? Between wrestling with my pan, its handle, the shaking, the lifting and finally slapping an egg mixture that was neither smooth nor gently swollen onto a plate, my omelette was a disaster. 

I tried more than once and while I should have taken to heart her cautionary advice—"…before you even start to make one you must read, remember, and visualize the directions from beginning to end, and practice the movements"—I ended up frustrated and seething.

Then I remembered: Julia lived in Cambridge! Right across the river! I raced to the telephone book (yes, children, that's what we had in those days) and sure enough, there was a listing. I telephoned and Paul Child answered. Julia was away for the afternoon but perhaps he could help.

"Less than half a minute to make an omelette?" I sputtered. "It's impossible."

"Now, now," he said gently. "It's patience. That's all you need."

"Really?" I was unconvinced."Yes," Paul said firmly, "Keep making omelettes and you'll be making them in less than 30 seconds." 

Patience won out. And I learned it's not a clock race, it's producing that gently swollen, tender and creamy eggy marvel. 

Thank you, Paul Child.

Get a copy of Mary's Throw a Great Party that recounts menus and recipes from those fabulous Sunday dinners in Paris with Jim Haynes.

Photo by Mary Bartlett of her well-loved copy of Julia's classic Mastering the Art of French Cooking.